Gay sex isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience—and it’s definitely not what porn makes it out to be.

Let’s be honest—porn isn’t exactly aiming for realism. It’s entertainment, not education. But some people still take what they see at face value and start expecting the same in their own sex lives.

So let’s clear the air. We’re breaking down the biggest myths about gay sex and serving up some honest truth.

Myth 1: “There’s always a top and a bottom.”

Not every gay couple falls into strict roles. Plenty of people are versatile (aka “vers”), switch things up depending on the mood, or don't care about labels at all. It’s about communication and pleasure—not positions assigned like job titles.

There is also the idea that someone's style, or voice determines what they do in bed. Sex in reality doesn’t follow the same script. 

Myth 2: “Gay sex is wild.”

Porn makes it seem like gay men are ready to go at the drop of a hat. In reality? There’s usually planning involved—especially when it comes to things like comfort, consent, and lube.

In porn, anal sex just magically happens. In real life? There’s prep involved.

Most gay porn skips over prep and jumps straight to the action. While some videos do show the preparation, the majority leave it out entirely.

And honestly, that’s valid. Porn is designed to be fantasy, not a step-by-step guide. But it’s important to know that behind the scenes, prep (and aftercare) are all part of the fun.

Myth 3: “All gay sex = anal sex.”

Newsflash: gay sex doesn’t always involve penetration. There are tons of ways to be intimate: oral, mutual masturbation, kink play—you name it. 

Reducing gay intimacy to just one act? That’s a total waste of all the fun possibilities out there.

Spoiler: Gay Sex Isn’t What Porn Says It Is 

Let’s get one thing straight (pun intended): queer sex is just as varied, silly, sexy, and awkward as any other kind. Everyone’s got their own style, kinks and comfort zones. 

Most porn videos are scripted, and exaggerated. So if you’re using porn as your sex-ed course…. Sorry to disappoint.

Enjoy the fantasy. But don’t confuse it with real-life intimacy. 

The truth? Real sex is messy, unique, and full of surprises—and that’s exactly what makes it hot.

Want to learn more about other lifestyles and terms? Head over to the ToyChats blog—we promise you’ll find something new to explore!