Pleasure Got Complicated

In the beginning it was nice to be free to do what I wanted with my body, and I did not see it as a problem. My toy never made me feel bad, as it answered my needs each and every time; in a fast, precise and timely manner. But a slow transformation began to occur, where using a toy changed from being an enjoyable experience to an everyday routine. It became a reflex, and I am sure others have experienced this as well.

One study conducted in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2023, found that 20% of individuals who engage in frequent sex toy use stated that they found it safer to make the decision to play alone rather than to have sex with another person.

Meaning that there was no pressure to hook up, face rejection, or anything. While this may seem nice, living without human connection can become hard to bear.

🎯 Push. Play. Repeat.

Rewards are built into how our brains function. Dopamine finds it easy to make quick shortcuts in our minds. So, what about sex toys? They are like machines that dispense dopamine for you.

A simple press of a button is all that’s needed. The story ends with a climax, and you never have to deal with tense conversations. No rhythmic clashes in the music or naked vulnerability, you just get to cum over and over again.

There is, however, a price tag that comes with cutting corners. Whenever we hit the button the reward is not as rewarding as it used to be. With time, its edge loses its sharpness, and a vicious cycle of wanting creates more wanting. So, what are ways of making pleasure meaningful and satisfying?

🧠 Stuck on Auto-Thrust

You try to think the whole thing is just for enjoyment. However, you notice more and more warnings:

• Preferring to stay in and masturbate instead in lieu of seeing friends or family that day.

• Choosing a toy over spending time with a caring, real person who loves you.

• You are no longer interested in role-play or touching because your toy can be faster.

Soon it becomes apparent that pleasure is not your goal, because all the things that used to bring you happiness no longer do.

🌪️ Craving Without Connection

When exactly did I realize it was a problem? It became a problem when instead of meeting up with someone I liked, I opted to stay at home, eat sushi, and use a sex toy on myself. Since I was alone I didn't have to have to talk about nonsensical things like the weather or worry about how I was performing in bed.

The problem was, I started to forget how to genuinely desire people. It seems that we focus only on the sex side of things. Yet, there’s more to it, and it starts with having control.

Playing with toys means our worries about getting dirty or attracting attention are minimized. At the same time, connection is never solely positive, instead it is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes scary. But those elements are the key to the magic of connecting with others.

🌐 Welcome to Swipe Culture

These days, sharing our feelings with others is easier than ever.

• With dating apps, liking someone is as simple as swiping a finger.

• Porn satisfies viewers’ sexual desires without emotional consequences.

• Using sex toys brings pleasure immediately and without the nuances of relationships.

You’re not responsible for why you’re numbing out. You just long for genuine touch while everything around you is becoming more and more virtual.

In reality, desire cannot be outsourced, and all these new virtual adaptations of connecting with others is not the same. Let me put it plainly: you haven’t got a broken mind. You have a fantastic design for pleasure, you merely have to balance the scales on your habits.

Try this:

• 🌿 Let desire simmer. Avoid reaching for your toy at the first feeling of craving, and allow yourself to use your imagination.

• 🔌 Disconnect to reconnect. Spend some time without toys for a little while. Watch for any changes in your body, in the thoughts you think, and in your fantasies.

• 👄 Create new habits. Light a candle where you are spending time, and play some music. Choose to make pleasure a special event, not just a quick solution.

• 💃🏽 Embrace the unforeseen. Dare to send an unexpected or risky text. Imagine someone you know personally. Try to remember how it felt to be unsure about your future.

🔥 Choose Aliveness

So my challenge for you is this:

Whenever you are about to play with your toy, stop for a moment, and ask yourself, am I doing it for pleasure or just because it’s routine? Experience your desire first, then give in to the actual touch. Allow your desire to build gradually, instead of trying to trigger it at once.

Train your mind to become excited by exploring new things. Find comfort in flirting, fantasizing, and taking your sex life into your own hands. What is true pleasure really like? It goes beyond reaching climax. It’s the feeling of being alive, and you are capable of experiencing these emotions.

Curious? You should be. Tap into the wild truth with ToyChats.com where real talk meets real pleasure. Discover what your favorite toy says about you.⚡