Let's Get it On: How to Be More Sexually Active with your Partner

Remember the times when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? When “Netflix and chill” actually meant gettin’ busy two minutes into the opening credits? Fast forward to now, and somehow, the highlight of your bedroom activities is fighting over the sheets.

It happens. Life gets stressful and busy. You’ve already gotten comfortable with each other. Maybe you’re both just not feeling it?

Before you resign yourself to a life of perfunctory birthday sex and sleeping in separate blankets, I’ve got good news for you. You can absolutely get that sexual spark back, and no, it doesn’t require enrolling for tantric workshops or wearing uncomfortable leather outfits (unless that’s your thing - in which case, get it!)

Here are some ways you can get it going again with your partner.

Instead of dropping hints or silently resenting your partner for not initiating, try to have an actual conversation about what you want. Clear communication about your desires is the premium lube for your sex life - everything works better.

Timing is everything here. Don’t bring up your sexual wishes right after they reject your advances or while they’re stressed about work. Find a neutral time when you can have a calm and relaxed conversation about it.

Try saying something like: “I'd love it if you'd touch me more throughout the day" or “I’ve been fantasizing about when we used to (that thing that made your toes curl)."

I know what you’re thinking. That’s not sexy! But hear me out: scheduled sex can actually be mind-blowingly good if you approach it right. Think of the anticipation. Remember the feeling of excitement you had all day knowing you had a date that night? You can recreate that same delicious tension.

The secret is in how you frame it. You’re not “scheduling maintenance sex” – you’re “planning a night of pleasure.” You want to say, “Still thinking about what I’m gonna do with you tonight.” instead of, “Don’t forget sex is scheduled for 9PM.”

The beauty of planned sex is that it gives you enough time to prepare - mentally and physically. You’re making sure your relationship gets your best energy and not just whatever scraps are left after everything else in your life has taken its share.

You can try new things you’ve always been curious about or simply focus on your partner in the present moment and give them the best experience possible.

If you’re waiting for the perfect moment when you’re both showered, shaved, and sufficiently rested, then you’re not going to get as much action as you want—time to lower the bar for what actually counts as sex.

It can be when you’re having a quick make-out session while waiting for the pasta water to boil, or morning spooning that turns into gentle touching. By doing this, you create more opportunities to connect without the pressure of doing it “all” every time.

Neurologically speaking, our brains crave novelty to release all those delicious feel-good chemicals that make sex so addictive in the first place. Your body actually gets bored with the same stimulation so mix it up. You can introduce new things into your sex life without going to extremes.

Think sex on the kitchen counter, a new sex toy, ice cubes along the skin, blindfold or earplugs, or trying that thing you saw in a movie that one time. These small changes create new sensations and reconnect your brain with the pleasure centers that might have gone dormant.

Start small, see how it goes, and build from there. The goal is to wake up your bodies and rediscover what makes your particular connection sizzle.

You don’t necessarily have to have sex every day. What’s more important is that both partners feel connected, desired, and satisfied.

Remember that your sex life is a living thing that needs regular attention. You need to water it just like a garden if you want it to thrive.

So, put down your phone tonight, and maybe suggest a shower together... you know, to save water. For the environment. You're welcome.

And if you two need a toy to get things going? Visit ToyChats to find the right fit.