When you think of sex toys, you probably associate it with solo play or couples who want to “fix” their sex life. Nothing can be further than the truth. Sex toys are actually more than that, and can be powerful tools for exploring new worlds of pleasure with your partner. It’s like adding sprinkles to an already delicious sundae, not essential, but it makes your dessert pop with new flavors and sensations you didn’t even know you were craving.

Let’s go over how to bring up sex toys in a relationship and how to use them in the bedroom!

The Benefits of Sex Toys

Beyond the obvious physical perks, toys can bring some surprising benefits to your relationship. You get good at communication which is a valuable skill. Introducing toys practically forces you to get better at expressing desires and giving feedback which can benefit your relationship in and out of the bedroom.

For those who are in long-term relationships, toys inject novelty and anticipation, triggering those exciting early-relationship butterflies all over again. You might discover new erogenous zones or sensations you never knew could rock your partner’s world. Think of it as an expedition into your pleasures, with your favorite person as your co-explorer.

How to Bring It Up

If this is your first time, it might feel a little awkward to bring it up with your partner. Trust me, it doesn’t have to be! You can skip the formal sit-down conversation and instead, try dropping hints when you’re already in a flirty mood.

Maybe text them an article (hey, like this one!) with a “This looks fun… thoughts? 😏" Or mention something you saw in a movie or heard from a friend (even if that "friend" is actually you after a late-night Google session.

Or next time you’re cuddling or sharing a glass of wine, try the simple "You know what I've been curious about trying?" approach. Casual, straightforward, and way less pressure.

If they’re not on board, ask what they’re thinking and listen without judgement. Remember, this doesn’t have to be a now-or-never situation. Sometimes people just need time to warm up to new ideas. You planted the seed, now let it grow!

Shopping For Toys

Shopping for toys together can actually be foreplay if you approach it right! Pour some wine, cuddle up on the couch, and browse together. Read reviews together and you might find some pretty interesting insights about what you’re both into! If you're feeling brave, modern sex shops are NOTHING like the creepy, dark places of yesteryear. Many boutiques now look more like high-end beauty stores that are well-lit, beautifully designed, and staffed by knowledgeable people who won't bat an eye at your questions.

Not sure where to start? Here are some crowd-pleasers that won't intimidate or overwhelm:

• A small bullet vibrator - versatile, non-intimidating, and easy to incorporate during your usual activities. Look for one with multiple intensity levels so you can start gentle and work your way up as you get comfortable.

• A vibrating cock ring - provides stimulation for both partners simultaneously without requiring any complex maneuvers or instruction manuals.

• A simple massage candle melts into warm oil – sensual and not explicitly "sex toy"-ish.

• A feather tickler - silly, playful, and great for building anticipation.

The best first toy is one that you’re actually excited to try, not the one with the most features or the highest price tag. Start simple, have fun exploring together, and you can always level up your collection as you discover what rocks your world!

Getting Started

So it's finally play time! Here's how to make your first experience with toys a hit.

Show Your Partner What You Like

Nothing's hotter than showing your partner exactly what feels good. Guide their hand while they're using the toy on you, or demonstrate on yourself. It's educational AND super sexy!

Don’t Be Afraid to Fumble

Something will probably go wrong like the toy might make a weird noise, someone might accidentally elbow someone else, or the batteries might die at the worst possible moment. LAUGH ABOUT IT! The couples who can laugh together in bed are the ones having the best sex.

Talk About It

After you've had your fun, a casual "So, what did you think?" can open up great conversations. What worked? What didn't? What would you try differently next time? Remember, this isn't a performance review, keep it light and curious.

Troubleshooting Common Issues

Sometimes, that thing you were excited about just doesn’t hit right. Maybe the vibrations are too intense, or the shape doesn’t work with your body. Don’t get discouraged if something’s not working, try to adjust positions or add more lube.

Preferences can change over time, so don’t be too quick to banish a toy to the back of the drawer permanently. You might find that the vibrator that seemed too intense last time, might actually be what you’re craving right now.

Common Concerns

Let's tackle those burning questions I know are running through your mind:

"Will I get replaced by a vibrator?"

Heck no! That's like asking if a restaurant will get replaced by a new spice in the kitchen. Toys are tools, not rivals. They're there to enhance the connection you already have, not substitute it.

"What if it's awkward?"

It probably will be! At least a little bit. And that's completely normal. Remember your first kiss? Or the first time you tried anything new with a partner? Probably had some awkward moments, but you got through it, right? Same deal here.

"What if I don't like it?"

Then you try something else! This isn't a one-and-done situation. Maybe the first toy you try isn't your jam, and that's totally fine. It's all about information gathering to decide what works for YOUR unique relationship.

"What if I like it TOO much?"

First off, there's no such thing as liking pleasure "too much." Second, be honest with your partner about what feels good! If something really works for you, that's valuable information for both of you.

Exploring Other Toys

Once you've gotten comfortable with your first toy or two, you might be wondering where to go next. You can explore other sensations. If you started with vibration, maybe explore temperature play with glass toys that can be heated or cooled. If you've only used external toys, perhaps explore internal options.

There are also toys that can be controlled by apps, toys that sync with music, even toys that can be controlled from across the world if you're in a long-distance relationship. We're living in the future, people!

The Bottom Line

Toys can be great tools for pleasure and connection. Some toys will become your beloved favorites while others might collect dust in the drawer, and that’s perfectly fine!

So go ahead, add some new tricks to your pleasure playbook. Your relationship just might thank you with some unforgettable nights and an even deeper connection. Have fun out there!