Like everything these days, swingers have their own vocabulary to describe their lifestyle. Knowing the right terms can help you connect with like-minded people and avoid any awkward mix-ups. Because let’s face it: you wouldn’t order something off a menu without knowing what’s in it, so why would your sex life be any different?

Welcome to the swinging dictionary, your go-to guide for decoding the lifestyle, one sexy term at a time.

First Up: What Is a Swinger?

A swinger is someone who enjoys consensual, non-monogamous fun, usually with other couples. This could mean swapping partners, group sex, or just exploring new experiences together. It’s not just about sex, it’s about trust, communication, and a whole lot of fun with like-minded people.

Core Swinger Terms You Should Totally Know

Play – Just a flirty way of saying "have sex" in the swinger world.

Play Party – A social event where people mingle, connect, and maybe get a little naughty.

Full Swap – You and your partner go all the way with another couple, penetrative sex included. 

Soft Swap – More of a PG-13 vibe: kissing, touching, maybe oral, but no penetrative sex.

Same Room – Everyone plays in the same room. Think sexy group vibes with eyes all around.

Separate Room – You and your partner play with others, but in different rooms. A little space never hurts!

Terms You’ll Also Hear in Other Non-Monogamous Circles

Closed vs. Open Relationship – Closed: you only swing together. Open: you each have separate adventures.

Rules / Boundaries – Every couple has them and could be anything from “no kissing” to “soft swap only.”

Hard No / Soft No – A hard no is a firm line. A soft no might be flexible, depending on the vibe and conversation prior to playing. 

Consent is Sexy – A mantra in the lifestyle that has no exceptions. Communication and enthusiastic consent are everything.

Lifestyle Slang (a.k.a. The Fun Stuff Outside the Bedroom)

Hotwife – A woman who sleeps with other men with her partner’s blessing. Often part of a cuckold or stag/vixen setup.

Bull – A confident, usually single guy who joins a couple for some extra fun, especially in hotwife dynamics.

Unicorn – The elusive, magical single bisexual woman who enjoys playing with couples which is rare and worshipped.

Stag/Vixen – A couple where the man (stag) gets turned on watching or encouraging his partner (vixen) to play.

LS (Lifestyle) – A cute little code word for all things swinger-related. You’ll see it on apps, forums, and invites.

Whether you're just testing the waters or ready to dive headfirst, knowing the terms commonly used will make the journey a whole lot smoother. Have fun on your journey, and remember that communication is hot, boundaries are healthy, and consent is always in style. 

Want to learn more terms about other lifestyles? Check out the ToyChats blog for more naughty sex tips.