What is BDSM?

We see the term online, at conventions and conferences, social groups, BDSM is  an umbrella term for a variety of consensual erotic practices that often involve themes of power exchange, control, and intense sensation. The acronym is generally understood to stand for the following: 

• B&D (Bondage and Discipline): The use of physical restraints (e.g., ropes, cuffs, blindfolds) and a dynamic involving rules that have been agreed-upon regarding both rewards and punishments.

• D/s (Dominance and Submission): A dynamic where one partner (the dominant or "Dom") takes psychological control and the other (the submissive or "sub") willingly yields that control, usually often within specific scenarios or as a lifestyle.

• S&M (Sadism and Masochism): The consensual infliction and receipt of physical or emotional "intense sensations" which may include  pain  for pleasure. 

Core Principles

Informed Consent, not simply consent, is at the core of BDSM activities.  This mutual agreement is what separates the practice of BDSM from abuse or any non-consensual acts. Let’s look at some of the ways that consent is used in the BDSM lifestyle starting with  SSC.

• Consent: All activities are based on mutual, ongoing, and enthusiastic consent between all involved adult participants.

• Safety: Participants often follow a code known as "safe, sane, and consensual" meaning that to the extent possible all activities are done in the safest manner possible. Many things in BDSM carry inherent risks.

• Safewords: An agreed-upon word or signal (e.g., "red" to stop, "yellow" to slow down) that any participant can use to immediately halt the activity if they feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed.

RACK is another term you might hear in discussions about consent.  It expands on the SSC standard as follows:

• Risk Aware Consensual Kink:  Describes a philosophical perspective within the BDSM community that highlights both informed consent and awareness of the risks involved in BDSM activities. Unlike other guidelines that may focus on ensuring activities are inherently "safe," RACK emphasizes the importance of all participants being fully educated about the risks they maybe taking by. emphasizing education and safety practices to prevent lasting harm.

Aftercare: Affectionate and care-taking behavior after a scene (like cuddling, talking, or having a snack) that helps participants decompress and reconnect, ensuring emotional well-being. Afterall, BDSM is all about the interaction between participants and what better time to deepen the intimacy fostered during your activities!  This step is important for all participants to enjoy.

Common Roles

Participants often adopt specific roles during "play" or within their relationships:   This list is by no means exhaustive.  There can be as many BDSM roles as participants within our community.

• Dominant (Dom/Domme/Top): The person who takes charge and controls the activities or the submissive partner.

• Submissive (Sub/Bottom): The person who willingly gives up control and follows the dominant partner's lead.

• Switch: An individual who enjoys playing both the dominant and submissive roles, depending on the partner or context. 

BDSM practices are diverse and can range from very light activities (e.g., a blindfold, light spanking) to more intense, complex scenarios, and are not considered a mental disorder when practiced consensually. Many find BDSM enhances communication, trust, and intimacy in their relationships.  Try it out, you might discover a new way to connect with your partner!