KYO ^-SUCK Review: I Want To Throw This Out My Window

I usually try not to be so negative when writing reviews, but this experience was so harrowing to me that I couldn't help but type something up out of sheer irritation. As there was a 20% off promotion at the time, I took my chances with this toy to see if it was an affordable option for those new to electric toys. Hint: it is not.

This toy is advetised as a quiet, easy to clean electric toy to simulate a fellatio. 7 Rotational and 7 suction settings. Max uptime of 40 minutes on full charge, rated for full submersion underwater.

There are so many aspects to this toy that so easily went wrong through design that it makes me wonder if it was even tested properly. I've tried using it over 6 times on full charge only to give up out of frusturation, sometimes after the battery life ran out. I have never reached climax unless I try really, really hard. I feel like a fool that just wasted their money on something I now actively want to get rid of.

First Impressions

Quality, Initial Performance:

It is indeed waterproof, making charging and cleaning worry free. The build quality is robust, doesn't feel like anything will break or wear out anytime soon. The stimulation on the suction is pretty nice, and seals a lot easier than I expected it to. Instructions are clear and concise, packaging is fine.

Experience

Learned that day what urethral sounding was, and not in a good way:

• Rotation: The rotation modes are based entirely on a set of mid length nubs in the back of the toy, connected to a rotating engine that increases in frequency or changes in pattern based on the settings. The feeling from these ranges from kind of overstimulating at most, to excruciatingly painful at worst, to sometimes not doing much of anything at all. Because of how they're structured, these little nubs can very easily find their way into more sensitive parts of your tip that they shouldn't, making you jerk back or want to turn it off entirely. It's made it so more often than not I don't even want to push in all the way because of how easy it is to feel that sharp pain hit. You can usually get past this once you push deeper so that the nubs go around the head, not just come into contact with the very end, but then that becomes an issue of what length you are and differences in hardness can easily affect this too. Furthermore, the feeling at this point instantly becomes numbing, offering little noticeable stimulation, especially if used with the suction. The fact that there are zero product images for what this looks likes is disappointing in hindsight.

  

• Suction: The worst part about this feature is that you can't enable only the suction to be on. I repeat, you can't use the suction without the rotation also being active. Congratulations, the toy is now pulling your member into the rotational death trap with maybe an 80% chance of feeling some pain before you instinctively turn it off or yank it out entirely. Any notes on the noise level go completely out the window the moment a drop of moisture hits the suction valves. You'd have to dampen the sound yourself with either a finger or tissue lightly over the hole on the side of the toy, and even then it's much louder than it should be. This doesn't go away either, it would probably take more than a few days or even a week for the moisture inside to fully dry and use quietly again. With how easy it occurs, I'd rather the noise level not even be noted as a selling point, it almost feels like a false advertisement. The variety in suction modes is not nearly as expansive as impressions gave off, only slightly different in intensity with each switch, barely any difference in pattern.

Cleaning, Maintenance:

A nightmare filled with cotton swabs

• Impossible to do a good job. Washing and drying the white sleeve is a piece of cake, sure. But the main unit? Unless you're willing to spend half an hour, a flashlight, maybe a hairdryer and some cotton swabs, there is no way you're getting it well cleaned. There are pockets in the back of the cavity that are near impossible to reach into due to how small they are, ending in sharp corners barely a few millimeters thick, where lube very easily piles up. Washing thoroughly does not get all of it out, and it's too small for fingers or most tools. Why this was designed this way, is completely beyond me. It could have been designed with a completely smooth back, and none of the functions would be affected, but instead you have all sorts of grooves and pockets that only make me afraid that mold is going to start growing before long. The same issues also arise with drying, which is why I brought up the hairdryer. You'll go in with a microfiber cloth, and reaching certain pockets, dig out some lube that you didn't get originally, and sigh as you go back to the washing session to try and get everything out again. Originally, I wanted to try this out in order to have an easier time than cleaning traditional onaholes, but I'm finding myself putting in even more effort to keep it properly cleaned.

Price:

Not a good starter for those looking to get into the electronic toy market

• If the toy actually worked within my expectations, then sure! I think for what you get, an edging toy, the price isn't too shabby, especially when discounted. But after using it? I think I would have to be paid to use that thing again.