Lovehoney's Deep P Diver Review: A Retrospective

Design

It has a sleek and elegant design,

It slides in easy; it works just fine,

But it has a slight curve,

It will better stimulate those nerves,

I know that it helped me get mine

This toy is quite smooth to the touch,

And though it does not look like much,

It has a simple L shape,

It can still make you gape,

And I like a toy that is discreet and such

This toy's designed by people who know,

They know how to pleasure you both above and below,

It can feel really great,

It stimulates your prostate,

And it stimulates your perineum all in one go

Quality

Low quality this toy is not,

I could praise this toy's material a lot,

This toy won't deteriorate,

This toy's long-lasting (that's great),

Lovehoney likes to give it all they've got

The smooth texture is nice and will help you nut,

Above the rest, it is a cut,

And though the material feels cool,

I am no fool,

I know it will warm up once it's in my butt

This toy has waterproof material (IPX7),

It makes for a toy that will send you to heaven,

It is flexible and soft,

It will keep you aloft,

It is durable, so crank it up to eleven

Experience

I stuck it in and felt a rise in my loin,

The bottom section stimulated my groin,

I didn't feel it overly much,

Maybe I don't have the right touch?

Still, over all I'd say the sensation's worth the coin

All the vibrations are gentle at first,

Use intensity 3 if you want a powerful burst,

I liked the pulse setting best,

And I enjoyed all the rest,

The steady vibration setting wasn't the worst

I personally prefer intensity 3,

The highest stimulation setting was the best one for me,

So go on give it a go,

Though you might want to start things out slow,

Try setting 1, there's no need to hurry

The first mode is a continuous rhythm,

Next a rapid pulse (which made me squirt the most jism),

Then you can give your balls a cup, while it slowly builds up,

And finally stop and start, if you want to create a sensation schism

Performance

The toy fits nicely in my bum,

Press the button and it vibrates with a hum,

It has 4 patterns and 3 speeds,

It lets you take the lead,

Try it and see just how quickly you cum

For me it was intense, but a bit lacking alone,

Though it still gave me quite a hard bone,

I'd love to experience more joy,

Let me use this plus a cock toy,

I want to feel sensations yet unknown

This toy pleasured me with a moderate whir,

And an orgasm sure did occur,

Maybe I'm expecting too much,

This toy has the right touch,

But a bit more sensation I would prefer

The reviews talked it up a bit more,

Not quite my experience when I started to explore,

And while recommend it I would,

And it sure did feel good,

That mind-blowing orgasm I could not quite score

As for sound? This toy's quiet enough,

This toy allows for very discreet butt stuff,

It is quieter than many toys,

The vibrations still make some noise,

But once it's inside you, they're easy to snuff

Materials and care

Some anal lube and you're ready to go,

It's smooth, whether you're fast or slow,

Recharge this toy with a USB,

And washing it is easy,

Just use water and a towel if you didn't know

They do say toy cleaner is the best product to use,

Water's fine.That's what I did choose,

Though you may want to be truly anal,

And while you won't get to obtain all,

I'm sure there are lots of quality cleaners to peruse

The material was very soft on my skin,

It was smooth and pleasant as I put it in,

Silicone is hypoallergenic too,

It makes for a safe screw,

So I say go give it a spin

You should recharge it ideally after each use,

You've got some time, but best not play fast and loose,

It takes 120 minutes for full charge,

Then for 40 minutes you're living large,

But the port on the toy's hard to see (a bit obtuse)

Packaging

The box is fairly simple and plain,

All the toys features it does explain,

The treated cardboard ain't much,

But its got the toys picture and such,

And I personally like packaging in this vein

The cardboard now has some wear and tear,

The lamination is still without compare,

It may not be purty,

It's not overly sturdy,

It's fine for the more devil-may-care

It's not for you if you want elegance or class,

For my needs I give it a pass,

There's no velvet or lace,

There's no style or grace,

It's a fine box for something you just want to shove up your ass

Price

At least $50 will be the starting price,

It might cost more, enough to make you think twice,

Please do not wail,

There's almost always a sail,

And well, it sure does feel nice

Would I suggest this toy to a friend?

Sure, if they like things up their rear end,

For a smaller toy,

It can bring such joy,

I don't think it's too much to spend