Mutual Masturbation: The Most Underrated Form of Intimacy

Let’s talk about the unsung hero of the bedroom: mutual masturbation. It’s raw, it’s honest, it’s intimate, and it’s shockingly romantic. No frills, just two people and a willingness to share what feels good.

Mutual masturbation is all about presence. It’s a “show and tell” where partners explore pleasure together, without pressure. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or a new romance, this act can completely shift how you communicate, experience, and receive desire.

So, let’s get our hands dirty.

What Is Mutual Masturbation?

Put simply, mutual masturbation means touching yourself in your partner’s presence as they do the same. 

It may sound like a foreign concept, and you might be asking, “How could I ever feel more connected to my partner through this?” But mutual masturbation is one of the purest forms of intimacy imaginable, with all the caveats to allow partners to feel safe and comfortable.

Mutual masturbation is gender-neutral, doesn’t require penetration, and can fully clothed or completely naked. You can bring toys into the mix, lubricant, or stay analogue. It’s low pressure and no stakes. You call the shots for your body, and in doing so, you show your partner exactly what you like and how you like. 

The goal here isn’t to perform, it’s to explore desire without pressure. 

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Why Couples Love Mutual Masturbation

1. It Builds Trust and Vulnerability

Honesty is scary. Showing your partner exactly what turns you on is bold, but sexy. Mutual masturbation is a powerful act. It says, “This is what I want.”

The act alone also creates a safe, judgment-free space where both of you are showing up, equally vulnerable. It’s an act of learning and teaching, where watching your partner’s pleasure builds trust (and is pretty hot).

2. It’s Perfect for Communication

Words are hard. Understanding the difference between frustration and flustered is HARD. Knowing how to pleasure yourself? Easy. 

Mutual masturbation helps couples articulate what feels good, when to slow down, or what to do differently. All without searching for the perfect phrase. Think of this as a playground to explore another type of communication. 

3. It’s a Stress-Free Alternative to Sex

Mutual masturbation is pleasure on your terms, without the expectation of performance. You don’t have to fake it or go any further than you want. 

Want to stay under the covers? Do it. Want to keep your clothes on? Do it. Want to bring out your army of vibrators? Do. It.

4. It’s Safe and STI-Free

Mutual masturbation is one of the safest forms of sexual activity. No condoms, no birth control, no worries. 

5. It Can Reignite Desire

Sex ruts can feel unavoidable. Same routine, same time. Luckily, mutual masturbation can disrupt that pattern by bringing novelty back into the mix. Watching your partner climax, hearing them authentically experience pleasure, all of this can remind you why you were drawn to each other in the first place. Or, even, spark a brand new flame.

Knowing your body also means knowing when something feels off. Bruised cervixes often get attributed to cramps and are ultimately overlooked. When really, it’s a sign to ease up for a few days. Learn more about the phenomenon here. 

How to Introduce Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation doesn’t have the most glamorous reputation. It gets tossed around as boring, silly, or uncomfortable. So, how do you get that conversation going with your partner?

A little curiosity will go much further than a big announcement. Try something like:

“Hey, I read this article about mutual masturbation—it sounds kind of hot.”

You could even save this article and show them you’ve done your research. Once the door is open, keep the conversation lighthearted. There’s no need to pressure or coerce your partner into trying something. If they’re into it, they’ll let you know. 

Initiating sex is intimidating, no matter the act. Our guide, How to Initiate Sex, is full of tips for building confidence and opening communication. 

Tips for a More Intimate Experience

• Set the Scene: Turn the lights down, play some tunes, create a comfortable atmosphere that promotes sensuality. Let your pleasure start with the scene.

• Stay Present: Look at your partner and remember to take a deep breath. Little things like this will heighten connection.

• There’s No Right or Wrong Way: Start by kissing or touching. Try it in bed or on the couch. It might feel awkward at first, so do whatever you need to calm your nerves. And remember, it’s okay to laugh. Laughing will just bring you closer.

• Mix It Up: Create your own rhythm by alternating between watching and touching. Sometimes a visual connection is just as powerful as a physical one.

• End with Aftercare: Aftercare is always a good idea. Whether it’s cuddling, talking, or getting a glass of water, aftercare will turn mutual masturbation into a bonding ritual.

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Why Mutual Masturbation Belongs in Every Relationship

Mutual masturbation teaches you and your partner how to listen. It establishes boundaries, opens communication, and clarifies what you need in the bedroom. Let it remind you that intimacy doesn’t have to look the same for everyone. 

Intimacy can be soft, silly, and playful. 

Shared vulnerability strengthens relationships. It’s not just foreplay, it’s communication, trust, and connection rolled into one, shared act. 

Mutual masturbation can teach you a lot about the female body. Specifically, it’ll show you where some very important things are. But if you can’t wait, read through How to Find the Clit, and learn exactly where X marks the spot. 

Get Handsy

Mutual masturbation is one of the simplest ways to reconnect with your partner. Watching them watch you ignites passion in a safe, inclusive, and sexy way. 

Be done with complicated intimacy. Set aside lengthy conversations about feelings you can’t identify. Just be yourself. 

So if you’re looking to find that spark again, or give them a crash course in what you really want in bed, or just change the vibe, mutual masturbation might be the answer.