The Palm Power Massager was my first ever experience with a corded vibrator. Right off the bat, it felt very retro. It reminded me of an early episode of Sex and the City where Samantha was looking for a replacement “neck massager.” The Palm Power Massager screams 90s. Getting to the point: my verdict on this toy is “meh.” The packaging and toy are entirely made of plastic, which just feels cheap and wasteful. The toy itself packs some serious power, and not having to charge it is nice. It seems to have no limit on how powerful the vibrations can be, and with the ABS plastic coating, they’re rumbly. But it’s hard to shake the feeling that this is an early, low-tech, poor-quality model of a wand. And I can’t help but wonder, why not just buy a better, rechargeable wand?

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The Screaming O Cuties Winny packs a punch. Tiny vibes are always hit or miss, but Screaming O Cuties hit the mark. They seemingly took a full-size wand and shrunk it down to 3 inches. Complete with 10 vibration options, the Winny is everything you could ask for from a wand, all in a convenient and adorable package. The battery is rechargeable and has a runtime of 120 minutes, which is easily as long, if not longer than, that of most regular-sized toys. I’ve tried several small vibrators and mini wands, but I've never seen such a long battery life, a waterproof rating, and such powerful speed and patterns as the Winny Wand. There are a few small, technical issues with the wand. However, the wand is a satisfying toy overall. As vibrators become more and more commonplace, it’s important to have a functional vibrator that travels easily. Toys like the Winny encourage women’s pleasure, allowing them to bring a vibrator to their partners’ house, on a trip, or to stow in their purse before a big date.

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I think there are many kinds of sex toy users. I prefer strong vibrations; if a toy can rattle my pelvis, I’m down. On the other hand, a good friend of mine loves vibrations, but gets overstimulated easily. She needs a toy whose whole intensity range lives between a 1 and a 4. I would recommend the Svakom Pulse Lite Neo. This is a beautifully built toy with very high-quality materials, a sleek design, and is simple to use. Does it pack a punch? Absolutely not. Is it still a quality toy? Yes. There are toys out there that leave a lot to be desired. When it comes to the Svakom Pulse Lite Neo, this toy checks so many boxes that I hesitate to complain. Instead, I think it has a specific audience. If you like suction vibrators but need one with milder intensities, this is the toy for you. Otherwise, keep shopping, there are better toys out there.

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10/10, no notes for the Gläs G-spot Dildo. It is fun and not intimidating, but also kinky. I love the size of it, and that it's so easy to use. The fact that it’s glass make it feel dangerous and kinky, like something porn stars would use.

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Squeeze-It Wavy Dildo is a silly and fun dildo that I can’t recommend enough. The box the dildo comes in talks about it like it’s a “wacky wavy inflatable arm-flailing tube man.” And in a sense, it has that energy until you put it to use. I couldn’t take this dildo seriously when I first saw it. But then, I started to play, and next thing I knew, I was raving about it. It’s perfect for temperature play, it’s ultra soft to the touch, and curves with your body rather than fighting it. It’s also a perfectly lifelike and average size dildo. My biggest critique is the suction. It doesn’t attach to walls and barely stays on tables. The shower wall is the only place you can suction the dildo to and trust that it won’t slip or detach.

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This is my second Pillow Talk vibrator, and just like the last one, it blew me away. It’s your standard wand, with a powerful motor and a few aesthetic touches that make it feel precious. After doing this job for a few months, sex toys tend to blend together. A lot of wands are the same with good quality, decent vibrations, flexible neck, etc. But Cheeky by Pillow Talk had my toes curling. It’s built like your typical wand: a little texture on the handle to give you grip with some metal and crystal accents for flourish, and a tall head. It does look a little out of place on this toy, but looking closely, you see that the top of the head is vibrating faster than the bottom. I’m not sure what effect this really has; all I know is the vibrations rumbled through me. The button has a Swarovski crystal inlay, it controls power and speed. There are two technical hiccups with this design. First, the you can only increase the speed while using the toy, you cannot decrease it. To decrease, you must restart the toy and begin at the lowest setting. Secondly, to increase the speed you need to hold the button down, not click it. It’s a super sensitive button and will turn off with a click. Lastly, there is a small, removable cap for the charging port on the bottom of the handle making it very easy to lose this little guy. Overall, this toy gives “I summer at the cape” vibes while offering rumbling waves, with a few user interface issues.

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This is a weird little toy. I’ve told you guys before that I judge sex toys by their cover. It’s not something I’m proud of, and I’ve been proven wrong many times. I was hoping to be proven wrong this time, really. I gave it a shot, I promise. Even when I had to go to the store and buy new batteries, I told myself it would be worth it. But this creepy and useless toy was not worth it. I also want to say, I’m all for lifelike dildos with realistic texture and ribbing. But do not dye it primary blue and make it unnecessarily squishy. I don’t have any interest in a soft and blue penis. I don’t like that it’s the same color as a children's toy. You can have lifelike and you can have bright colors, you cannot have them both and expect me to like it. A pastel would have been wonderful and an earth tone would have been even better. I’m not saying it can’t be colorful. I am saying that it cannot look and feel like a children’s slime tube. Aesthetics aside, let's discuss performance. First, it required batteries, but once we got past that annoyance and into playtime it did absolutely nothing for me. It was so soft and gooey. It doesn’t target your G-spot, and the handle is too short to maneuver. And while the veins and ribbing were nice, they were not as stimulating as I’m sure they were meant to be. Plus, the vibrations were “meh.” The only service it really provides is penetration. It’s hard to find something redeeming about this toy.

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The Pipedream Wanachi Mini Massager is a tiny dinosaur of a sex toy. It’s retro, from the colors and design to its materials and function. But retro is cool when it’s done right. This mini wand is battery powered and made of entirely ABS plastic. The downside is that the product is made of plastic. Yet, the upside, is the Wanachi Massager's rumbling vibrations. Yes, the head is rock solid, and is uncomfortable at first unless you like hard vibrations and surfaces. But nothing rattles and rumbles like ABS plastic. Wanachi’s Mini Massager has a mighty motor. With a dial at the end to adjust speed, you can crank the wand up to feel like a rocket about to launch. Which is exactly what I did, and it transformed my“take it or leave it” attitude to a thumbs up. The neck is poorly constructed with it’s accordion-style design, but the folds are too ridged to actually bend. You can stretch it out to get a solid curve in it, but it still doesn’t behave as well as a silicone neck. Overall, for a toy under $30, it’s not too shabby. I’d say if you’re on a trip and forgot your vibrator, you could pick this one up in a pinch and be content.

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It’s one thing to send a broken toy. But, to send a broken wand, with stains on the head and half of a button missing? What a shame. The Fantasy for Her Duo Wand looked like an interesting take on a wand. It has a curved head and is a comfortable size, not too big, not too small, but Pipedream lost a customer. I’ve gotten broken toys before. Years ago, I ordered a new Liberty 2 from Womanizer. I was so excited, the pandemic had closed down my job, leaving me at home to masturbate uninterrupted. Except, when the Liberty arrived, it didn’t work, no matter how long it charged nothing happened. I immediately reached out to Womanizer, and they replaced the toy, no questions asked, and I got a working toy in the end. It’s super normal, though still uncommon, for a toy to show up and not work. Most companies are great about replacing them. Had the Duo Wand just been broken, I would’ve gladly ordered another one. But alas, it showed up in its sealed plastic with stains on the head. I can’t imagine it had been used; that would truly cross so many lines. A toy should always arrive in its best condition, but there was chipping on the metal band around the handle, one button’s decal was smudged, and there were stains. Considering everything that was wrong with this toy, I don’t recommend trying toys from Pipedream.

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The Rave Ripple is really cute, silly, and moderately effective, but it didn’t wow me. The intense texture of the outside of the toy is heavenly. Though it’s a little short and straight for my taste, despite the shaft being flexible. It only has one button, making it delightfully easy to use. And the 10 speeds are great, it’s really nice having more speed options than the traditional 5. It’s super brightly colored. The shaft is neon green, and the handle is neon pink. It fits the “rave” aesthetic, especially with the melting drip-like texture on the outside. It’s fully waterproof, so making sure the space between the ribs is free of debris and bacteria after use is easy. Plus you can have fun with it in the shower or bath. This is one of those toys I think you’d buy more for the aesthetic and kitsch than the efficacy. It would be nice to find a toy that hits both of these criteria successfully, but when it comes to a kitschy, themed toy, it’s just hard to do.

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Hype by ROMP is just a fun vibe. It’s your classic G-spot vibrator, slightly elevated without sacrificing pleasure for cheap frills. Its gentle curve, soft tip, and ribbed shaft hit just right, giving you intense G-spot orgasms. As someone who struggles with orgasming from penetration, I was blown away. A G-spot orgasm has never been easier than with ROMP’s Hype. It’s rechargeable and has 6 intensity levels and 4 patterns. Its soft head mimics the feeling of a real penis, increasing the quality of sensation on your G-spot. Plus, it’s fully waterproof. Considering its reasonable price of $40, that’s a steal. Even if you don’t use it in the shower, being waterproof makes the toy so much easier to clean. As I’ve gotten older, I appreciate easy to clean toys more and more. The toy comes with the cutest, sex positive stickers, which I’ll totally be showing off. Finally, it’s a perfect size for me, very comfortable to insert at 8 inches long (6.5 inches insertable) and ~2 inches wide. However, this might be a little small for other users.

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M’Lady Tiny Vibrating Wand is the perfect mix of funny, adorable, powerful, and effective. It’s so mighty and so small. I can’t get enough of it. Every time I look at it or use it, I have to chuckle. M’Lady is the perfect name; it matches the silliness of this ridiculously cute toy. Enough about the vibe it gives off, let’s talk about the actual vibes because they’re immaculate. Defying the laws of physics, this toy packs a punch. I could see the manufacturer releasing this toy as a gimmick, giving it one or two moderate speeds. But no, M’Lady is powered by Power Bullet. It has 3 speeds and 4 patterns that will knock your socks off. It comes in a precious carrying case, allowing you to hide it in your purse and take it with you for a date night or a short trip. I’m just so thrilled with this itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny wand.

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