Palm Power Massager Review: Too Retro

Design

The Palm Power Massager is your standard corded wand. It’s slightly smaller than the average wand; the handle is thinner and tapers to a point, while the head measures approximately 1.5 inches in width. The neck is perfectly flexible, bending just enough to give you leverage without sacrificing pressure. There’s one button on the handle that turns the toy on and adjusts the intensity. By holding the button down, the toy increases the strength of vibrations. The cord is approximately 8ft long, giving you plenty of wiggle room to play. 

The toy is designed to have the heads switched out for different shapes, such as rabbit ears and finger-like shapes. Different shaped heads would be a vast improvement on this toy. The vibrations, because of the plastic casing, rumble, but they aren’t targeted and fall short of satisfaction. However, the other attachments are not included in the box. Personally, I don’t know why you’d spend any more money on a toy like this. If you need accessories to improve anything, it’s probably not worth buying in the first place.

Experience

At first, the cord part was kind of fun. It really felt like I was connecting with my 1990s masturbating sisters who revolutionized how we use personal massagers. But that novelty soon wore off. It’s an okay toy, nothing really special about it. The cord didn’t bother me as much as I thought it might; it’s long enough that you don’t notice it’s there. However, the toy is made of hard silicone and plastic–mostly it feels like it’s made of plastic. There’s a rickety, clicking sound that accompanies the vibrations, making the toy feel cheap. It’s definitely strong.

You change the intensity by holding the button down, and I couldn’t find an end to the toy’s intensity. It just kept getting stronger. That might be the only redeeming quality of this toy. After a few minutes, I was overstimulated by the vibrations and had to take a break. If the toy has a soft silicone head, this probably wouldn’t have been the case. But its head is a thin sheet of removable silicone that feels like really poor quality, definitely not soft. Underneath that is a plastic casing over the motor. All of this combined makes the head hard and uncomfortable.

Quality

I can’t find any literature to back this, so I’m going entirely off of feeling. This toy feels cheap. It’s all plastic and rough silicone. I don’t think this toy would ever break. It feels durable. The materials themselves aren’t something I look forward to putting on my body.

Price

I found this toy on Amazon for $70. Way overpriced for such a lame toy. I can’t recommend this purchase.

Performance

The power this toy packs is staggering. Usually, that kind of punch is enough to do it for me, but what this toy boasts in performance, it lacks in quality. Poor materials make it easier to be overstimulated and uncomfortable using this toy. But if you like the feeling of hard materials that vibrate really strongly, you might really dig it.

Packaging

The packaging of this toy makes me want to scream. It's all plastic. Instead of cardboard, the box is made of hard plastic, and the toy is held in a plastic mold. It’s so wasteful and unnecessary. It immediately put me off. I’m a firm believer that sex toys are wellness products; they should be crafted with some awareness. This toy’s package misses the mark completely.

Materials and care

The toy comes with four international attachments for the plug on the cord. You need to purchase alternative heads for the toy if you wish to use them. The Palm Power Massager is “splash proof,” which I’m assuming means it can get wet. However, I do recommend unplugging it before bringing it near running water. A wet wipe or toy cleaner is likely your best bet for cleaning.