How to Initiate Sex: A Guide for Singles, Couples, and Long-Term Lovers

We’ve all been there—knowing it’s time to turn up the heat but stumped figuring out how to initiate sex without feeling awkward, pushy, or rejected. The truth is, initiating sex is equal parts thrilling and nerve-wrecking, no matter what kind of relationship you’re in.

The good news? Learning how to initiate sex is less about elaborate, degrading seduction tactics and more about confidence, communication, and reading the room. It’s an art, not a science.

If you’re looking for more pressure-free ways to spice up your sex life, check out our guide to Exploring Kinks Without Fear of Pressure.

How to Initiate Sex When You’re Single

So, you’ve been playing the field, but you’re still wondering how to initiate sex without killing the mood. 

Want to know a secret? Seduction for singles is all about confidence and knowing the vibe.

• Flirty conversation. Compliments, playful jokes, or even gentle teasing can open the door. They’re a great way to test the water without crossing physical boundaries. Think of it as dropping breadcrumbs that lead to the bedroom.

• Physical cues. Lean in closer, turn your body to face them, touch their thigh, let your body speak for you. When you’re trying to initiate sex, small touches spark big reactions.

• Ask directly. Confidence is irresistible. It’s also handy when trying to figure out if you’re seeing signs or imagining things. Saying, “I’d love to take this further,” or “Are you open to being intimate?” shows respect and establishes consent. Being upfront is honestly one of the most underrated ways to initiate sex.

Don’t overcomplicate it. If the chemistry’s there, a bold move or a whispered suggestion can do wonders. 

But make sure you’re reading the room! If they have their walls up, that gesture is going to fall flat.

How to Initiate Sex in a New Relationship

The honeymoon phase is dreamy and steamy—you can barely keep your hands off each other. But even then, knowing how to initiate sex can help you set the tone for lasting passion.

• Play the tease. Stay flirty by sending suggestive texts during the day, hinting at what you'd like to do later. Anticipation is half the fun, so let it build.

• Set the scene. Candles, a playlist, a romantic dinner. Creating an atmosphere not only screams “seduction,” it turns sex into an event, letting your partner know that intimacy is still special.

• Compliment their desire. Desire is contagious–if you show it, they’ll feel it too. Try saying, “I can’t stop thinking about you,” or, “I want you all to myself tonight.”

In new relationships, the best way to initiate sex is with playful energy. Keep it light, fun, and full of anticipation.

We’ve compiled a list of the Most Surprising Places to Have Sex, giving you the inspiration you need to keep things fun and playful.

How to Initiate Sex in Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

The million-dollar question: how to initiate sex when you’ve been with your partner for years.

Life gets busy, routine takes over, and sex sometimes slips down the priority list. When you’ve been with the same person for a long time, anticipation can feel like a thing of the past. The good news: reigniting passion is possible, and it starts with initiation.

• Break the routine. Surprise them. Do you always wait until bedtime? Try to initiate sex in the kitchen, the shower, or even during a lazy Sunday afternoon. Unexpected timing takes the routine out of sex and can make your partner crave you.

Toys can also disrupt routine and get both of you excited to jump in bed. Our guide to Sex Toys is the best place to start your hunt for the best addition to your bedroom.

• Use humor. A cheeky comment can be more effective than grand gestures. Something like, “I just heard this new song, and I think it’s perfect music for something… intimate, want to try it out?”

• Touch more. Semi-sexual touch creates connection. We all know about holding hands and kissing our partners regularly, but what about pushing them against the wall and giving them a lingering kiss? Or, coming up behind them to graze their neck with your lips? The goal is to build anticipation. Confidently leave them wanting more.

For long-term couples, the secret to initiating sex is reminding each other of the passion that attracted you in the first place. Tease, flirt, and surprise them, just like you did when you first met.

It never hurts to review the basics. Our ABC’s of Sex have you covered from arousal to catching some zzz’s. 

Tips for Initiating Sex That Work for Everyone

No matter your relationship status, some truths about how to initiate sex are universal:

• Confidence is sexy. Even if your nerves are shot, leaning into desire with boldness is irresistible. Fake it till you make it, right?

• Communication is hotter than silence. Ask what your partner likes! Ask what they want! We all want clarity, and for some reason, the world wants us to believe guessing games are sexy. Just ask.

• Consent is everything. Initiation is only sex when both people are into it. Body language and verbal cues are your North Star here. Pay attention, and if you’re unsure, ask.

• Playfulness beats pressure. Sex should be fun! It’s not doing taxes. Joke, flirt, laugh–you’re supposed to enjoy yourself.

There are endless ways to spice up your love life. Start with this Endless Summer-inspired Bucket List guaranteed to shake things up.