Funzze Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo Review: I'll Never Look At Handles The Same! ><"

Oct 04, 2025

NotSoInnocent

1 Collect
3 Like
475 Read
Report

Overall Rating

Product Design

4.4

Ease of use

5.0

Sensory Quality

5.0

Ease of Cleaning

4.8

Price Range
Noise Level
Overall rating is based on Design, Sensory Quality, Ease of Use, and Ease of Cleaning. Price and Noise are shown for reference only.

This toy is provided and sponsored by ToyChats

Best sex toy review platform

🧠 Reviewed by a ToyChats Community Creator
Love testing toys? 💕 You can become a reviewer too

Apply here

Are you a brand? Get your toys reviewed for free →

Review Disclosure: The products reviewed on ToyChats come from items we purchase ourselves and those sponsored by manufacturers. We do not accept paid reviews from brands, nor do we interfere with users’ genuine opinions of the products. Our sole concern is whether the reviews are authentic, trustworthy, and well-reasoned.

Keyword

steel dildo temperature play sex toy sex toy review Funzze Review Double Ended Dildo Double-Ended Stainless Steel Dildo Funzze Vaginal Sex Toys Manual

My verdict

If you're a fan of heavy metal, cold lips and new/exciting ways to protect yourself from stranger danger than check out Funzze's Double Ended Stainless Steel Dildo! This shiny masterpiece is the perfect console or purse weapon/pleasure item to help you feel like you've got a handle on whatever sticky situation you might find yourself in! No batteries, no charger, no complicated buttons, no quitting in the middle of a good time and no worries about where, when or how it can be used! Use it alone, with a partner or against a stranger! It's perfect for beginners, experienced users and everyone in between that doesn't mind gaining a little muscle while gaining a bit of pleasure. ><" Surprisingly, I wouldn't be against using this toy again in future, though I'm not sure if it's best to do so while things still feel cold or if I should bite the bullet and just shock the life out of things and refreeze it all after it finally returns to normal lol. I do feel it would make a perfect car companion for the extremely rare occasions where something that heavy might prove useful... I half wonder if it can be certified as a window breaker should I find myself in a flooding situation of any kind lol.

Pros: IPX7+ Rated! One of the most waterproof toys out there. No electronics to hurt, no rusting, just is.; Storage/Travel pouch included! Though it probably should've come with a purse to house it lol.; One of the most straightforward toys out there: pick a hole and insert/remove on repeat.; Can be used as a good console weapon in sticky situations that are less sexy lol.; Perfect for hot summer sessions! Ice cold feel can help with the heat! ;P; Depth is quite lovely and nice to have different sized options for the heads.

Cons: Can't think of genuine cons so these are going to be super sarcastic b/c why not?; If you're not a fan of heavy things going in you, look elsewhere.; Huge finger print collector, use gloves & wipe thoroughly before leaving it at a crime scene.; Can't find the charging port, doesn't turn on, tastes like a battery when licked, and super heavy

Video Review!

Rantings of a Mad Woman! ><"

*Announcer Voice* Annnnnnd in this corner... weighing approximately 18.3oz/520g.... the heavy weight stainless steel champ of the century... Funzze's very own Double Ended Stainless Steel Dildoooooooooooo *Crowd cheer noises*

This is definitely a huge first in my collection: first metal toy, first plain dildo, heaviest toy, shiniest toy and new favorite weapon to have on hand in a car... f*ck a baseball bat in the trunk or pepper spray on a keychain this baby's going in the console lol... Jesus this thing's ridiculous! ><"

I'm utterly shocked by this one lol... It's not every day I look around my house thinking what fridge handle, wall sconce or car jack can I stuff up inside me today, and I'll admit I've tried and thought that about some strange things but nothing like this has ever crossed my mind ><". I already feel cold like I used an ice cube and I haven't even tested it yet! I half wonder if I attached it to my toaster and used 'em both in the tub if it would cause a bigger shock than waiting for a silicone covered electronic vibrator to do the same because it malfunctioned or couldn't handle the water lol.

Mini Summary!

Normally I'd cover basic specs at this point like charging info, IPX rating, features and blah blah blah, but this thing is pretty straightforward... pick a nether hole and slide an end on in there. If that's too complicated for you then I'm really confuzzled as to how you ended up on this page or this site at all ><".

The best I can offer information wise is a repeat of measurements, weights and cost.
Normal: The small head is 0.87" wide, the large head is 1.38" wide, the overall length from end to end is 7.5", the weight is 18.3oz and the cost is $69.99 on Funzze's site.
Large: The small head is 0.98" wide, the large head is 1.46" wide, the overall length from end to end is 7.87", the weight is 24.7oz and the cost is $75.99.

Packaging!

I feel like Funzze has Tracy's Dog and Utimi beat in discretion... The logo doesn't seem dirty at all, the packaging is literally a plain brown box that the Funzee wrapping could be removed from, the sticker says diddly squat and even the inside is like a discreet fortress. The product was sealed in a Styrofoam pouch which boggled me for a moment as I've never seen such a thing; normally at least one end of a Styrofoam cover is open lol. The whole thing was/is neatly wrapped in bright pink heart shaped bubble wrap which I've also never seen before and was/is the only thing to really suggest something seductive might be happening inside this box lol.

Since I had no idea this was coming my way I was at an absolute loss until I opened it... Nothing anywhere let me know what this was, so I was genuinely left to contemplate why the f*ck it felt like a brick when I picked it up lol. For a split second I contemplated getting a purse and chucking it in there lol. People never expect to be hit by an old lady with a purse full of bricks, so I really don't think they'd expect a younger one to hit them with a double ended stainless steel dildo ><". Keep it in the box and it might be easier to huck or swing about lol.

What's in the Box?!

Inside the package: The toy itself, a storage/travel bag, a manual and a warranty card.

Little baffled that this product came with an instruction manual that was more than just a one sided piece of paper that says "Choose an end, Choose a Hole, Insert, Pull Out and Repeat As Desired" ><". Super ecstatic that it came with a storage/travel pouch though to help keep it clean and potentially scratch free. I also adore the heart shaped bubble wrap it arrived in despite not being a fan of pink lol.

How Did It Do?!

Sorry folks, no demo video of features, functions and formalities.... this plain ol' Joe is as starfishy as they come, so get ready to put some muscle into it lol.

How Did It Do?!: A bit silly to say this test will be with the initial charge, but it will be done while typing this. - Small inside scoop, the testing portion of my reviews are usually done all in one go so they're easier to get through and write up lol, so thanks to the Space Bean things were/are still primed to move forward with the test for this one so no lube was necessary for the testing for this. I say this as this seems like one where it would come in handy the most lol. ><" -

IT'S F*CKING COOOLLD! *Teeth chattering* Other than that, it's surprisingly not bad. ><"

Like being in a swimming pool, a few moments in and you don't realize you're actually still freezing cause you've either gotten use to it or learned to like it lol. It's definitely a mix of both in this scenario. The smallest end was the first to jump in and is more satisfying than I imagined, especially since lube is not being used in this scenario and the thing still feels like an icicle. I'm still unsure of the point of the weight, but perhaps that function will click at another time.

- This portion has been interrupted for an undetermined amount of time as my cat decided now is the perfect time to come up and curl up on top of the blankets.... despite me being free all day and there being many other hours this could've been suitable... ugh! On that note, despite the toy being removed and relocated to halt the extreme awkwardness of the situation I am currently in, I find that I still feel the cold like 10 ice cubes are being applied inside and out.... -

- For the first time in ages it was an all night snuggle, yay, but grrr lol -

Anywhoozles.... Still super cold... an icicle might actually be warmer... at least it'd melt!

Larger end feels a bit too big since it's been quite awhile having anything go on down there. The curve is surprisingly enjoyable and glides easier than I though it would. The clitoral contact is quite pleasant despite the cold, and after a minute the cold does add some nice feeling to the experience. I like the depth it can reach and the curve of the ball catches certain spots quite nicely. The weight still puts me off a bit, though it's negligible when in motion and being held, there's a genuine small fear of letting it go and things going south in some manner. ><"

Opinion: I might come back to it again for the overall simplicity. I see it as more of an intimate, slow session type of toy, not one I'd use for a fast session or to really set off fireworks. Honestly, I'm genuinely leaning towards leaving it in the car, but because of the sheer cold temperature it seems to maintain I feel it would be an interesting way to cool things down in the summer when they start to heat up. ><"