The question "can I change what arouses me?" is more common than you might think. Whether you're dealing with what feels like weird turn-ons or fetishes that are screwing up your life, you're not alone in wanting to figure out if you can reprogram what turns you on.

Let's dive into this messy world of sexual desires and fetishes, and whether you actually can – or should – try to change them.

What Is a Weird Turn On, Really?

First, let’s talk about what would make a turn-on “weird”. The truth is, human sexuality is incredibly diverse, and what one person finds arousing, another might find completely baffling.

A fetish usually means you get intensely aroused over specific objects, body parts, or scenarios that many people wouldn't consider sexual. We're talking anything from feet to latex to particular role play situations. The key difference between a preference and a fetish is the intensity and sometimes how much you need it. Some people with fetishes find it difficult to get turned on without their specific trigger.

What makes someone label their turn-on as “weird” is usually a combination of societal conditioning, shame, and whether the fetish is causing problems in their real life. It’s important to know that having unusual turn-ons doesn’t automatically make you broken or abnormal.

Are Fetishes Mental Issues?

The short answer is? Not usually. Having fetishes doesn't automatically mean you've got mental health problems. In fact, research shows that people with fetishes often have perfectly healthy psychological profiles and satisfying sex lives. However, can a fetish be a coping mechanism? Absolutely - some people develop fetishes as a way to deal with trauma, stress, or complicated emotions, which doesn't make them unhealthy.

The key distinction is whether your fetish is causing significant distress or impairment in your life. If you can do your kinky stuff consensually and safely, and it's not messing with your ability to function or have relationships, then you're generally in the clear.

Fetishes only become problematic when they:

• Involve non-consensual activities

• Make you feel terrible about yourself

• Affect your ability to maintain relationships

• Lead to illegal behaviors

• Become compulsive to the point where they’re taking over your life

When that happens, the issue isn't really the fetish itself - it’s how you manage or express it.

How Do You Overcome a Fetish?

If you're dead set on reducing how much a particular fetish controls your life, there are some things you can try. Many people wonder "is it possible to outgrow a kink?" - and the answer is sometimes yes, especially if the fetish was tied to specific life circumstances you've moved past.

But first, I really want you to think hard about why you want to change. Are you being driven by shame, what other people think, or is it genuinely messing up your life?

Cognitive behavioral therapy is one common method used to break fetishes. This might involve identifying triggers that activate it, developing alternative responses, reducing the engagement with activities or content related to the fetish, and practicing mindfulness with your sexual thoughts and processes.

If your fetish seems to be tied to trauma, stress, or other psychological factors, working on those issues might naturally reduce the fetish intensity. Can your fetish change over time? Absolutely - many people find their sexual interests evolve as they grow and have new life experiences.

There's also redirection techniques where instead of trying to get rid of the fetish entirely, you might try using your sexual energy towards activities or fantasies that feel more aligned with your goals. Some people ask "can you reprogram what turns you on?" While it's possible to redirect sexual energy, completely reprogramming arousal patterns is much more difficult than it sounds.

Can Therapy Help Get Rid Of Fetishes?

Therapy can definitely help, but probably not in the way you're expecting. A good sex-positive therapist isn't going to try to “cure” your fetish, but they can help you understand what role your fetish plays in your life. They’ll guide you on working through any shame or distress related to your fetish and developing healthier ways to express your sexuality. They can even go deeper and address any underlying trauma or psychological issues associated with the fetish.

If your fetish is causing problems in your life, therapy can be incredibly valuable. Just make sure to find therapists who specialize in sexuality and have experience with fetish and issues related to it.

Be wary of any therapist who promises to "cure" your fetish or who treats them as inherently problematic. Conversion therapy doesn't work for sexual orientation and can be really harmful – the same goes for trying to force changes to sexual preferences.

When Change Might Not Be the Answer

Sometimes the desire to change your fetish isn't really about the fetish itself – it's about shame, fear, or pressure from others. Before you start trying to change your sexual preferences, think about whether the real issue might be:

• Internalized shame about sexuality

• Pressure from a partner who won't accept you

• Fear of what people will think

• Confusion about what's "normal"

In these cases, the healthier move might be working on accepting yourself, getting better at communicating with your partners, and finding communities where your sexuality is accepted rather than trying to change who you are.

The Real Deal on Desire

You might be able to reduce the intensity of a certain fetish or develop new sexual interests, but completely eliminating deeply ingrained turn-ons is hard and not always possible. More importantly, it's not always necessary or healthy.

A lot of people find that learning to manage their fetish responsibly and finding accepting partners or communities works better than trying to change themselves. If your fetish isn't hurting you or anyone else, the problem might not be the fetish itself but the shame and stigma around them.

If you do decide to work on changing your sexual preferences, go into it with realistic expectations, get professional support when you need it, and be really kind to yourself. Your worth as a person isn't determined by what turns you on, and honestly, there's no universal standard for "normal" sexuality.

The most important thing is finding ways to express your sexuality that feel authentic, consensual, and healthy for you and any partners involved. Sometimes that means learning to embrace your fetish, and sometimes it means learning to manage them differently. Either way, you deserve to have a sex life that brings you joy instead of shame.