Breath Play: How Holding Your Breath Can Blow Your Mind
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The way we breathe (or don’t) during sex has a powerful impact on how we feel–and for some, intentional breath play can supercharge the experience.
It’s not about pushing limits for the hell of it; it’s about exploring sensation, control, trust, and connection. Breath play is asking you to literally play with the thing that keeps you alive. In doing so, you’re tapping into a primal, electrifying energy.
From syncing your breath and tantric breathing practices to erotic asphyxiation and choking, breath play is ripe for exploration. Welcome to the exhilarating, dangerous, and wildly intimate world of breath play.
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Why Breathing Matters in the Bedroom
Have you ever caught yourself mid-make-out, stressing about your inbox? Suddenly, you’re there, but your mind is elsewhere. The best tool we have in our arsenal to bring us back to the moment is our breath.
Breathing deeply and consciously not only enhances sexual experience, it generates a greater mind-body connection.
It’s not just about the occasional panting—it’s deliberate inhales and exhales that calm your nervous system, welcome pleasure, and anchor you in the moment. Breath is your body’s way of modulating energy, intensity, and arousal.
Once you’ve mastered the basics of mindful breathing, it’s time to play with speed, depth, and restraint—cue breath play.
Breath is the bridge between our nervous system and our sensual experience. Slow, deep breaths activate the parasympathetic nervous system—hello, relaxation—while faster, shallow breathing ramps up tension and excitement.
In other words, breathe right, and you feel more. Breathe creatively, and you might just feel everything.
Tantric Breathing: Slow Down, Connect Deeply
Tantric breathing lives at the gentle end of the breath play spectrum. Tantric Breathing is less about danger and more about dialing into the present moment. Tantra syncs your breath with your partner’s, stretching out your pleasure like warm taffy.
In tantric practices, couples breathe in unison—inhaling and exhaling together while maintaining eye contact or physical connection.
An alternative to breathing in unison is circular breathing, where one partner exhales while the other inhales, creating a loop of shared energy and breath.
Try it:
Sit cross-legged, facing your partner. Option to try the lotus position, bringing you and your partner even closer. (View instructions for Lotus here.)
Place your hand on your partner, and have them do the same, in the same place. Great options include the heart, palms, and cheeks.
Breathe slowly and sync your inhale and exhale. Hold eye contact if it’s comfortable.
Stay here for 3–5 minutes before expanding to naughtier places. Think of tantric as another type of foreplay.
Tantric breathwork increases intimacy and improves sexual satisfaction by enhancing emotional bonding and presence. It’s an excellent first step in your breath play journey.
Safety Tip:
Tantric breathwork is low risk compared to other breath play techniques, but go slow. If you feel lightheaded, return to normal breathing at your own pace. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
If you’re looking for new foreplay ideas, our guides on What is Foreplay and 12 Types of Foreplay are the perfect place for you.
Erotic Asphyxiation: When Breath Play Becomes Edge Play
Now for the other end of the breath play spectrum. Drum roll, please… erotic asphyxiation, or intentionally restricting breath during sex to intensify sensation.
Erotic asphyxiation, also known as “breath control” or “choking play,” is a type of edge play that spikes arousal by triggering a chemical cocktail of adrenaline, dopamine, and endorphins.
The momentary deprivation of oxygen enhances orgasm for some people, bringing on a floaty euphoric high. Although, it’s important to note that breathing is typically only disrupted briefly.
Many of the sensations are prompted by the chemicals released in the brain and emotions attached to erotic asphyxiation. Breath play, when it carries risks like this, can create a strong feeling of vulnerability and trust between partners.
But let’s be absolutely clear: this is dangerous territory. Cutting off oxygen or attempting erotic asphyxiation without precautions can lead to loss of consciousness, brain damage, or death. It’s not for the faint of heart, or the uninformed.
Types of Erotic Breath Play:
Choking (manual pressure on the neck)
Pillow smothering (gentle pressure over the mouth/nose)
Breath-holding (asking a partner to hold their breath or restricting it temporarily)
Safety Tips:
Never apply pressure to the front of the throat or windpipe. If choking is your jam, place hands on the side of the neck and apply pressure by squeezing in. Do not apply any pressure to the front of the neck, and do not press down.
Pressing down closes the windpipe and risks damaging vulnerable structures in the neck. Placing the hands on the side of the neck restricts blood flow to the brain, releasing similar chemicals to having your airways closed. Breathing will still be restricted, but the severe risks of damaging your windpipe and suffocation will be avoided.
Choking carries risks no matter how you do it, always be careful and vigilant.
Establish a non-verbal safeword. Like all safewords, make it a gesture that is easy to remember but won’t be confused or missed. A great example is tapping your forehead or making a “salute” gesture with two fingers at your brow.
If communication is sticky with your partner and you’re struggling to repair the connection, therapy is an incredible option. Trust is key for kink. Learn more about therapy options in What Can a Sex Therapist Help With?
Don’t play solo. Autoerotic asphyxiation is especially dangerous. Without a partner present to watch, there is no one to help you if things go too far.
Avoid belts, ropes, or ligatures around the neck unless you’re extremely well-trained.
Check in constantly. Breath play demands hyper-awareness, not just horniness. And it can take a nasty turn very quickly.
Pro tip: If you’re even a little unsure, don’t do it. There are plenty of ways to take someone’s breath away, so might as well be safe.
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Breath-Holding and Orgasm Control
Another (safer!) variant of breath play involves manipulating your own breath to heighten arousal or delay climax.
It’s as simple as holding your breath for a few seconds just before orgasm. The next time you’re getting hot and heavy, whether with a partner or solo, take a deep breath in and hold it. Relax your shoulders, jaw, and chest, and welcome the buildup of pressure leading to an explosive release.
If you’re on the fence about breath play and not sure if you even want to bring it up with your partner, this is the perfect alternative. It’s an easy, low-risk way to try breath play and explore what it does for you.
You can also experiment with breath by slowing down your exhalations while being touched or intentionally speeding up your breaths to increase tension.
Some kinksters also use hypoxic training (low-oxygen breath practices) to mimic the sensations of erotic asphyxiation. However, this should only be done with proper training and guidance. Hypoxic training and oxygen training are complicated practices that shouldn’t be learned from an online article.
Safety Tips:
Self-directed breath play should only be practiced in a safe space where you can stop instantly if needed.
Avoid breath play when drunk, high, or unwell.
Communicate constantly. You can never communicate too much.
Breath play can be intense. If you’re simply looking for ways to shake up your sex life, our guide on How to Make Sex Feel Better is a great starting point.
Final Exhale: Is Breath Play for You?
While this guide covers everything we can think of in the world of breath play, this is one area where there’s no such thing as too much research.
If you’re feeling unsure about anything, have any questions, or want extra reassurance, keep researching. More information means more safety tips—and when it comes to breath play, safety is sexy.
Start slow, try syncing your breath with your partner’s. Experiment with holding your breath during climax. Or dive deeper into breath play with informed, negotiated BDSM breath control.
Now go forth and breathe like your sex life depends on it. Because sometimes, it kinda does.
