It feels like an aggressive blowjob from an actual Orc, but the Orctan is actually part automatic cock-milking machine and part medieval torture device. It’s not for the faint of heart (or foreskin), but if you’ve got a penchant for the weird, it's a genuinely unique take on a tired category. Just be sure to use enough lube, and shave your pubes.

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The Snail Vibe Gizi takes the bold, brilliant concept of the original Curve and kind of ruins it. Gone is the ability to thrust with strong vibrations. What’s left is a perfectly average dual-stimulation vibrator dressed up in the shape of something far more innovative. It’s silky smooth silicone, well-made, and technically works but if you’ve used the original, this feels like a hollow sequel that didn't need to have happened.

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This bondage frame is an absolute steal for the price—around $300 from AliExpress, shipped. It's solid, heavy-duty, and endlessly customisable. Out of the box, the default setup leaves a lot to be desired (and possibly dislocated), but treat it like BDSM LEGO and it becomes a pervert’s dream project. Whether you’re into strict restraint, kinky engineering, or mounting a fucking machine like a mad scientist, this "slave frame" delivers serious value and versatility.

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If you’re after something that looks wild, feels intense, and gives you options for both inflation and squirty mess? This is the best-value pick out there right now.

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If you’re looking at this because you’re disabled and find regular sex difficult; don’t bother because it’s unlikely to offer any benefit. You may have difficulty putting it together, and depending on your disability, the strain it puts on your body elsewhere may be too much.

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While most people think of a pair of handcuffs as the first step on a kink journey, they look a lot better in the movies than they feel in real life, more often leading to cries of "ow, those are digging into my back now", or "damn my wrists hurt." Instead, I'd argue that a decent under bed restraint system is a far more exciting introduction to bondage, and something will likely stay a part of your play chest even if you graduate to “harder” forms of bondage later. But shop wisely because not all under bed restraint systems are made the same. The DOMINIX Deluxe Adjustable Leather Cuff Under Mattress Set from LoveHoney is a solid choice, with leather cuffs and a secure method of mounting to your bed.

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The We-Vibe Jibe isn’t a bad toy by any means, but it works best as an accompaniment rather than the main course. At an RRP of $130, it’s also quite a pricey option, even if it does offer rumblier vibes than the competition. If you don’t know how you feel about internal vibrations, that’s a lot to spend on a punt to find out.

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Does the job in a portable, travel-friendly format. But maybe wait for a sale, because it feels a lot cheaper than it is.

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Elsa Jean is a young, petite blond beauty, and her Fleshlight is tantalizingly tight with delicious textures to explore. If other Fleshlights have failed to deliver, I think you might want to try Elsa before giving up entirely and going back to the hand. My endless search for a satisfying pocket pussy might be over.

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If you’ve always wanted to take the term “foot fuck” to its literal conclusion, the Succubus Sole Foot Fuck masturbator from Onahole.com (for US readers) or MostuToys.com (EU/UK) is potentially one of the best things to come out of Japan yet.

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In my ongoing quest to try out every kind of bondage gag possible (check out my ultimate gag guide!), the pussy-face gag was up there on my ultimate must-try list. In theory, it’s a cracking idea: stick half a Fleshlight on the front of a gag plus something to hold the sub’s mouth open, and you have a recipe for a truly mindblowing face fuck. It should even provide a nice buffer for the sub (if you care). After reading some terrible reviews of the original Master Series Pussy-Face Gag (the hard internal part is far too big, apparently), I found a cheaper clone on AliExpress. Elsewhere, this is sold as the Sohimi Pussy Face Gag.

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In the past, your choice of fantasy or animal-themed silicone dildos was limited to one or two manufacturers. But lately, we’ve seen the market explode with small, artisanal makers on Etsy (many of which will often do custom orders)—and a new influx of Chinese brands. The same toy that you’re used to paying hundreds of dollars for from BadDragon, can now be had for around $50. As with any mass-produced option, the customization options are non-existent and there are only a few color choices, but personally, I prefer the look and feel of this one. In this review, I’ll be taking a look at one of the most famous of this new generation of extreme dildos from China: FAAK / YOCY.

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